Why Forgiveness Matters: My Testimony

I wasn’t raised in a Christian home. I lived with an abusive, adulterous, alcoholic father. I grew up resentful, feeling robbed of a normal childhood. After my own marriage failed with an adulterous husband, my pain deepened. One day, a coworker said, “Why don’t you try church?”

I tried six different denominations, but I just didn’t get it. I was about to give up on God when I happened to drive home a different way. That route took me past a non-denominational church, and I decided to go that Sunday.

The pastor spoke about the difference between our earthly father and our Heavenly Father. He explained that while our earthly father might let us down or even hurt us, our Heavenly Father will never leave us nor forsake us. I hung on to every word.

Then he read Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

That’s when I realized hope had been missing from my life. He was the Father I had always longed for. In my late 20s, on Easter Sunday, I asked Jesus into my heart.

Since my teens, I have had no contact with my father for 24 years. As I grew in my faith, my heart began to soften, but I struggled with Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV): “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

I tried to justify that my sins were nowhere near as bad as his. But Jesus lovingly and patiently ministered to me until I surrendered everything and truly learned how to forgive.

While at the Kindle the Flame Women’s Conference, I heard the Lord whisper, “Your father is dying.” That certainly got my attention. He continued, “Your father is dying, and you need to tell him that you forgive him.” I reminded God that I had forgiven him years ago, and that I did not even know how to contact him or where he lived. The Lord said nothing more.

A week later, my sister called to give me his contact information. I was apprehensive to reach out, but I did. My father apologized for being a bad dad and asked if I could ever find a way to forgive him. I told him I had forgiven him years ago—and asked him to forgive me for not telling him sooner.

Over the next 4 months, we became pen pals. I shared the Gospel with him, but he believed God would never forgive him. He was dying of cirrhosis of the liver and stomach cancer since he never quit drinking. He was running out of time, and he needed to forgive himself (that’s why God wanted me to tell him!). As our relationship grew into friendship, he finally prayed the prayer of salvation with me.

He asked me to speak at his funeral, and I agreed. Soon after, he passed away, and I made my travel plans. On the night before my flight, my sister called and said there was no pastor available. Since I was in seminary, she said, “You’re it.”

I made a late-night call to my pastor, who walked me through officiating a memorial service. I was overwhelmed but prayed, “God, not by my strength but by Yours, I can do this.” And He was faithful.

During his service, I made eye contact with the adulterous woman my dad eventually married. I heard the Lord say, “Tell her thank you.” While still smiling and speaking, the angry thought returned: She’s the woman who destroyed our family.

Then I heard again: “Forgive.”

I wish I could say I was obedient, but the truth is, I refused.

The next couple of weeks, I had no peace. I knew I had to make it right. I bought a heartfelt sympathy card and wrote a humbling note to her, including this - “Thank you for loving my dad.” Honestly, that was harder than if I had just hugged her and said, “I forgave Dad, and I forgive you.”

Forgiveness released me from hidden anger, bitterness, and resentment. I felt a heaviness lift, and I experienced a deep sense of peace; even my health began to improve.

Though it wasn’t easy to share my story of forgiveness, I knew God’s timing was now.

My pain was buried so deep that I didn’t realize it had become a way of life. Unforgiveness can take root so deeply that it affects us physically, mentally, and in our relationships. Forgiving does not mean excusing what was done to us; it means trusting God to handle the situation and to heal us, allowing us to experience healthy, godly relationships, as He intended.

The greatest act of forgiveness I witnessed was during Charlie Kirk’s memorial service on September 21, 2025. His wife, Erika, publicly forgave Charlie’s shooter. In just three spoken words, “I FORGIVE HIM,” she shared the Gospel and the greatest commandment of all – Love. Matthew 22:37-39.

Today, I invite you to let go of unforgiveness—it’s time, don’t ignore it—give it to God, seek help.

Deuteronomy 30:19 (NIV) says, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.”

I want you to choose life, as I did, and live in the fullness of all that God has for you, restoring everything once stolen.